Self Care Is Community Care
Self care begins with me, but it is not about me. Only when I care for my own being am I available to be of service to others. If I show up for you with an unstable being, I am not able to offer stability. If I show up tired or stressed, I offer you those same qualities. When I arrive feeling rested, fed, cared for, I am able to offer you patience, compassion, and nourishment. As humans living in the world with friends, family, peers, colleagues, and whomever we cross paths with throughout the day, we have an obligation to care for ourselves in order to interact with the world around us honorably. This includes mother earth, all of the plant beings, all of the animal beings, all of creation. The microcosm is intrinsically entwined with the macrocosm. We, as human people are not separate from any other human person nor are we separate from the land on which we walk every day. Self care is not self serving when intention is focused on the whole. However not caring for ourselves can have unfortunate affects on those around us, including and especially those with whom we spend the most time.
As I talk about community care and use the word community throughout this essay, I am referring to any group, family, work environment, organization, or pairs of people who interact with each other. Community can be the people you live with, the folks you work with, the crew that meets weekly for book discussion or spiritual practice. It can be the other humans who happen to be in the market with you at any given moment. Community includes the people who live near us, housed and unhoused, that we've yet to meet or the folks who travel through our town. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s idea of Beloved Community was inclusive of all human beings globally, and clearly embraced migrants from all nations. He often used the phrase, "the solidarity of the human family", to express this idea. In his own words, he expresses the idea of microcosm/macrocosm and interdependence; "We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”
Community includes the critters who sneak into the tiniest of cracks in our house or who munch on our garden veggies. Our beloved pets as well as the birds who build nests in the porch roof and the spiders who's delicately woven webs rest in the corner of the living room. It includes the five elements of ether, air, fire, water, and earth. The microbiota in the soil. As you read this, figure out what community means to you, and focus on that. Focus on how you want to show up for whatever and whomever you consider part of your community.
As a member of several different communities (which is really all one) I have an obligation to treat others with respect, patience, compassion, and presence. In order to show up in the world in this way, I practice offering these same things to myself. I practice nourishing myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so that I can nourish others. I must meet my own needs so that I can be available to support you in meeting yours. The confluence of self care and community care is a beautiful merging and re-sourcing. As I give to myself, I am able to nourish others and as I give to others, I am nourished. It is this source of communal nourishment that heals wounds, transforms lives, and creates equanimity for all beings.
This seems like a good place for a reminder that we are as we practice. The saying, "practice makes perfect", does not exist in my world. I do not believe that is true and I do not believe there is one right or perfect way to be. I would prefer to say, "practice makes practice" or practice creates possibility". As I write this, and every day of my living I am reminded that I am human. I make mistakes, I behave dishonorably, and sometimes quite frankly, I am a jerk. I often choose to course correct, but can only do so when I am actually able to see my behavior without judgement or shame. And so, like all of us, I practice. I say this to remind myself and to remind you, dear reader, that we are all on the same level. We are all just trying to figure out how to be decent humans in this weird place we call our lives.
For inspiration to create or deepen your spiritual practice or self care routine, check out some of the other posts on my blog and the web pages about routine and sense care.